Monster Brawl (It's Exactly What It Sounds Like)

Score: 7 out of 10

 

           I grew up with prowrestling. As a child I was a hulkamaniac, in my teens I was a Triple H fan (this is when he was the "blu blood" and we called him Hunter Hearst Hemsley) and now I find my self typically rooting for C. M. Punk. That being said, I also grew up completely in love with Universal monsters. Frankenstien (to date I have watched about twenty two Frankenstien films, one of which on 8mm reel to reel), The Wolfman, Dracula, The Creature From The Black Lagoon and even The Mummy. I absolutely loved all of them. So imagine how happy I was to see that two of my great loves have been brought together in one movie... and it doesn't suck! "Monster Brawl" was written and directed by Jesse T. Cook. It stars Dave Foley, Art Hindle and Robert Maillet (bonus points if you remember what his name was while with WWF).  Also, expect some pretty cool appearances from Kevin Nash, Jimmy Hart and Herb Dean (he is just as bad a referee in this film as he is in real life... just sayin').

 

       Well I have to start by saying that this is a fun movie. It is pretty fast paced, it does a good job of introducing and building up the characters and does a good job of using devices used by actual wrestlers to sell a match, including having the monsters trash talk each other before the matches. In fact, most of the movie plays out much like a wrestling pay-per-view. The film does not skimp on the gore, either. Mr. cook does a pretty good job of making this feel both like a wrestling show and a horror movie. On the downside, the matches are a little short and sometimes the whole thing can just feel a little too cheesey. Honestly though, this is just a fun movie you can turn on when your friends are over, have some popcorn and get some good shits and giggles going. Don't build it up to be anything more and I promise it will not dissapoint you.

 

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

 

P.S.

   Thanks to my friend Natalia for bringing this film to my attention.

 

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The Witchouse Trilogy (Part 3 of 3)

Score: 3 out of 10

 

          Well, I'll just go ahead and say it: This was a total waste of ten dollars. The whole trilogy just plain sucks and I even feel bad just for having watched these stupid, stupid movies. "Witchouse 3: Blood Coven" was directed and written by J.R. Bookwalter (who also directed the second film) and stars Debbie Rochon, Tanya Dempsey and Tina Krause. The plot of the film is three girls filming a documentary about Wicca (I actually know people who are Wiccan and would probably be offended by this movie) and in the process conjure up a long deceased witch named Lilith. Lilith, by the way, is one of the biggest problems with this film. She is played by a diferent woman than the woman who played her in the first two films. On top of that, Brink Stevens (Witchouse 3) looks nothing at all like Ariuana Albright (The Lilith of Witchouse 1 and 2). Just to add insult to injury, Stevens portrays the character in a completely different manner. She shares none of the manerisms or speach patterns that Albright exhibited.

 

     In addition, Lilith's mentallity has changed as well. Instead of attacking her victims in a straight forward manner, she now plays mind games with them for a while first. This one character completely ruins the continuity from the second film to the third. On top of that, the acting is bad, the quality of film has dropped off dramitcally from the previous entries and the plot sometimes just seems nonsensical. Do yourself a favor. Avoid all three of these movies. The only fear they have installed in me is that I'll never be able to get rid of them.

 

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

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The Witchouse Trilogy (Part 2 of 3)

Score : 4 out of 10

 

        At the very least, so far these movies are not getting any worse. In fact, dare I say, this one was almost enjoyable. The reason for this one being better than the last, I'm guessing, is replacing both the writer and director. "Witchouse II: Blood Coven" was directed by J.R. Bookwalter (some of you might remember his slightly more popular film "The Dead Next Door") and stars Ariauna Albright (returning as the evil witch "Lilith"), Elizabeth Hobgood and Nicholas Lanier. It also features a pretty forgettable performance from Andrew Prine. Sitcom fans might remember Mr. Prine for his portrayal of "Psycho Dad" on the show "Married... With Children." The plot follows a small team of researchers who are sent to a small town in Massachusetts to investigate some recently discovered graves. Soon their leader is possessed by an a long deceased witch and all hell breaks loose.

 

 

      Not surprisingly, this film shares a lot of the same flaws as its predecessor. Bad dialogue, worse acting and bad special effects. What I found particularly annoying about this film was actually two scenes that were supposed depict one character walking around with a hand held video camera while holding up conversation with one or more other characters. These scenes had the potential to be intense but come off as obnoxious because the voices of the characters holding the cameras (who are not visible) were recorded in a studio in post. This creates a very noticeable (and distracting) difference in audio quality from one line to the next. On top of that by the end of the film, I was not engaged at all, I was just waiting for it to end. Oh well... we still have one more film to try and turn it around. It could be good... right?

 

Love,

    The B-Movie Guy

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The Witchouse Trilogy (Part 1 of 3)

                                     Score: 1 out of 10

     
       Almost every morning on my way to my day job, I stop at the local convenience store (I won't name the establishment, we'll just say their name is based on what their hours of operation were at one point) for my morning cup of coffee. A few days ago I noticed they started selling used DVDs. Never being one to pass up an interesting buy, I stopped to lake a look. That is when I noticed a box set for a trilogy of films entitled "Witchouse." I figured for ten dollars, even if they suck at least I am not out that much money. Well, get ready, because now I feel cheated out of ten dollars. "Witchouse" (BTW, if you google "Witch House or Witchhouse" you will not find any thing about the movies. Would it have killed them to use one of those two spellings?) was directed by David DeCteau (who is also responsible for Puppet Master III, also produced by Full Moon) and stars(?) Ariauna Albright, Matt Raftery and Ashley McKinney.

          This movie is so bad, it is almost like a bad joke. In fact this movie is so boring I actually found myself fighting sleep through most of it. Every time it seemed like something interesting was about to happen it would just fizzle. The plot revolves around a girl throwing a party for her class mates and it turns out that she is the descendant of a witch burned at the stake and her classmates are descended from the people that burned the witch (Think I am giving to much away? you can actually get that much by reading the back of the box). The bad acting, writing, directing and special effects (seriously, for a movie made in 1999, the effects are on par with an early eighties made-for-t.v. movie) do not do this movie any favors. The sad part is I still have two more films to go. Ugh.



Love,
   The B-Movie Guy.

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Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies (I Was Cheering For The Zombies)

Score: 2 Out Of 10

            Hey guys, I just heard about this book that is getting super popular! So popular that they are actually making a movie out of it! It's about Abraham Lincoln fighting vampires. Now I know this sounds crazy, but what if we made our own movie where Abe fights zombies and we completely ignore history and just put it out as soon as possible! That could work, right? The answer is no. No it does not work. "Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies" was released in 2010 and was directed by Richard Schenkman and stars Bill Oberst Jr., Kent Igleheart and Rhianna Van. Having Spent an hour and thirty minutes watching this stinker of a film, I can honestly say I hate all of the people I just mentioned.

      So where does this film go wrong? Everywhere. The make up effects where terrible. When you make a zombie film you really have a chance to get creative with the zombies themselves. Think about the variety of ways that these people would have died, then incorporate that into there make up. Apparently all these people died from natural causes or simply a zombie bite. Then there is the special effects. There was so much bad CGI in this movie at times I felt like I was watching someone play a video game. In fact, they used CGI to make fire and smoke come out of the guns. This creates many shots where guns that are not cocked get fired. you never see the hammer move at all!

            On top of this the writing was just bad and the acting was worse. The majority of the action takes place in the south, but the characters who are found living there just barely (if at all) have a southern accent. Overall this movie was pretty bad. I have to admit I actually feel ashamed just for having watched it in the first place.



Love,
   The B-Movie Guy.

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Trip With The Teacher (it would have been more exciting if they stayed home)

Score: 4 Out Of 10

 

                  I always love a good exploitation flick. I can not say, however, that this film is an exception because it is just not good. "Trip With the Teacher" was directed by Earl Barton (this film was, by the way, the only time he actually directed) and stars Zalman King, Robert Gribbon and Cathy Worthington. I know there are probably gonna be some people hating on me because Mr. King has somewhat of a cult following but I personally believe that his following is attributed to his work as a director, not an actor. In fact it was performance that bothered me the most out of every body's. Every one's acting was kinda bad, but the entire film, it was almost as if King was falling asleep. I get that he was supposed to be dangerous and mysterious, but I just found it completely annoying. What bothers me even more is that I have seen Zalman King act in other films before and he wasn't bad. I'm not sure if I should attribute this to bad acting or bad directing. Was Barton encouraging that?

 

              Another thing that really killed it for me was how boring this film is. For the first thirty minutes almost nothing happens. Then even when things do start to pick up the film is so horribly paced I still get bored watching. By an hour into the movie I was really fighting the urge to turn it off. In conclusion. Bad acting. Bad pacing. Boring Story. Boring action scenes. Poor Direction. Are there any redeeming qualities here? Yes. The soundtrack was pretty good and I felt the poor film quality helped to build a really nice atmosphere. Unfortunately that is all the film really has going for it.

 

Love,

    The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovie guy #Bmovieblog   Facebook: B-Movie Guy

 

 

Tucker and Dale VS. Evil (It's like Deliverance, only funnier)

Score: 7 out of 10 

    Boy, did I misjudge this one. When I first saw the title on Netflix I thought, "No way. That looks really stupid." Then I thought back to some of the other films I have blogged about and still thought "No." Then my father-in-law and my wife (who normally hates my taste in movies) spent quite a while ranting about how funny it was and how much I would love this. Reluctantly I sat down and was proven total ly wrong. "Tucker and Dale vs. Evil" is about two backwards-ass-rednecks who buy a summer home (an old run down shack that kind of reminds me of the old "Friday the 13th" sets) and accidently scare some colledge kids camping in the area. Later they rescue one of them from drowning and the poor girl's friends believe that our redneck heros have kidnapped her and attemp to get her back resulting in some hilariously gorey scenes. It stars Tyler Labine, Alan Tudyk and Katrina Bowden. It was Directed by Eli Craig.

         Friends, I know why most of you guys read this blog (I do see the analytics once in a while) and personally I'm a little offended. That being said, I am not going to tell you if this film has any nudity or not. You will just have to look at the picture to the right and judge for yourself. Regardless of boobies or no boobies, this film was hilarious! I was genuinly laughing and there were quite a few moments where I was thinking "Wow, that is really gory!" In addition, the story was pretty believable (probably more so than a lot of the films it lampoons) and the acting was pretty top notch. I mean, you are most likely not going to see any of these actors or actresses win any academy awards, but if I happen to see their names on a movie poster it might get me to watch another film. Another thing I would like to point out is how much amazing chemistry was between Tyler Labine and Alan Tudyk (Tucker and Dale), These two work so well together on camera that I would be willing to believe that they are best friends in real life. I would love to see them revive these characters for another few movies.

Love,
   The B-Movie Guy.

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