Sunday, December 30, 2012

Monster Brawl (It's Exactly What It Sounds Like)

Score: 7 out of 10
           I grew up with prowrestling. As a child I was a hulkamaniac, in my teens I was a Triple H fan (this is when he was the "blu blood" and we called him Hunter Hearst Hemsley) and now I find my self typically rooting for C. M. Punk. That being said, I also grew up completely in love with Universal monsters. Frankenstien (to date I have watched about twenty two Frankenstien films, one of which on 8mm reel to reel), The Wolfman, Dracula, The Creature From The Black Lagoon and even The Mummy. I absolutely loved all of them. So imagine how happy I was to see that two of my great loves have been brought together in one movie... and it doesn't suck! "Monster Brawl" was written and directed by Jesse T. Cook. It stars Dave Foley, Art Hindle and Robert Maillet (bonus points if you remember what his name was while with WWF).  Also, expect some pretty cool appearances from Kevin Nash, Jimmy Hart and Herb Dean (he is just as bad a referee in this film as he is in real life... just sayin').
       Well I have to start by saying that this is a fun movie. It is pretty fast paced, it does a good job of introducing and building up the characters and does a good job of using devices used by actual wrestlers to sell a match, including having the monsters trash talk each other before the matches. In fact, most of the movie plays out much like a wrestling pay-per-view. The film does not skimp on the gore, either. Mr. cook does a pretty good job of making this feel both like a wrestling show and a horror movie. On the downside, the matches are a little short and sometimes the whole thing can just feel a little too cheesey. Honestly though, this is just a fun movie you can turn on when your friends are over, have some popcorn and get some good shits and giggles going. Don't build it up to be anything more and I promise it will not dissapoint you.
   The B-Movie Guy.
   Thanks to my friend Natalia for bringing this film to my attention.
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Monday, December 17, 2012

The Witchouse Trilogy (Part 3 of 3)

Score: 3 out of 10
          Well, I'll just go ahead and say it: This was a total waste of ten dollars. The whole trilogy just plain sucks and I even feel bad just for having watched these stupid, stupid movies. "Witchouse 3: Blood Coven" was directed and written by J.R. Bookwalter (who also directed the second film) and stars Debbie Rochon, Tanya Dempsey and Tina Krause. The plot of the film is three girls filming a documentary about Wicca (I actually know people who are Wiccan and would probably be offended by this movie) and in the process conjure up a long deceased witch named Lilith. Lilith, by the way, is one of the biggest problems with this film. She is played by a diferent woman than the woman who played her in the first two films. On top of that, Brink Stevens (Witchouse 3) looks nothing at all like Ariuana Albright (The Lilith of Witchouse 1 and 2). Just to add insult to injury, Stevens portrays the character in a completely different manner. She shares none of the manerisms or speach patterns that Albright exhibited.
     In addition, Lilith's mentallity has changed as well. Instead of attacking her victims in a straight forward manner, she now plays mind games with them for a while first. This one character completely ruins the continuity from the second film to the third. On top of that, the acting is bad, the quality of film has dropped off dramitcally from the previous entries and the plot sometimes just seems nonsensical. Do yourself a favor. Avoid all three of these movies. The only fear they have installed in me is that I'll never be able to get rid of them.
   The B-Movie Guy.
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Sunday, December 9, 2012

The Witchouse Trilogy (Part 2 of 3)

Score : 4 out of 10
        At the very least, so far these movies are not getting any worse. In fact, dare I say, this one was almost enjoyable. The reason for this one being better than the last, I'm guessing, is replacing both the writer and director. "Witchouse II: Blood Coven" was directed by J.R. Bookwalter (some of you might remember his slightly more popular film "The Dead Next Door") and stars Ariauna Albright (returning as the evil witch "Lilith"), Elizabeth Hobgood and Nicholas Lanier. It also features a pretty forgettable performance from Andrew Prine. Sitcom fans might remember Mr. Prine for his portrayal of "Psycho Dad" on the show "Married... With Children." The plot follows a small team of researchers who are sent to a small town in Massachusetts to investigate some recently discovered graves. Soon their leader is possessed by an a long deceased witch and all hell breaks loose.
      Not surprisingly, this film shares a lot of the same flaws as its predecessor. Bad dialogue, worse acting and bad special effects. What I found particularly annoying about this film was actually two scenes that were supposed depict one character walking around with a hand held video camera while holding up conversation with one or more other characters. These scenes had the potential to be intense but come off as obnoxious because the voices of the characters holding the cameras (who are not visible) were recorded in a studio in post. This creates a very noticeable (and distracting) difference in audio quality from one line to the next. On top of that by the end of the film, I was not engaged at all, I was just waiting for it to end. Oh well... we still have one more film to try and turn it around. It could be good... right?
    The B-Movie Guy
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Monday, December 3, 2012

The Witchouse Trilogy (Part 1 of 3)

                                     Score: 1 out of 10
       Almost every morning on my way to my day job, I stop at the local convenience store (I won't name the establishment, we'll just say their name is based on what their hours of operation were at one point) for my morning cup of coffee. A few days ago I noticed they started selling used DVDs. Never being one to pass up an interesting buy, I stopped to lake a look. That is when I noticed a box set for a trilogy of films entitled "Witchouse." I figured for ten dollars, even if they suck at least I am not out that much money. Well, get ready, because now I feel cheated out of ten dollars. "Witchouse" (BTW, if you google "Witch House or Witchhouse" you will not find any thing about the movies. Would it have killed them to use one of those two spellings?) was directed by David DeCteau (who is also responsible for Puppet Master III, also produced by Full Moon) and stars(?) Ariauna Albright, Matt Raftery and Ashley McKinney.

          This movie is so bad, it is almost like a bad joke. In fact this movie is so boring I actually found myself fighting sleep through most of it. Every time it seemed like something interesting was about to happen it would just fizzle. The plot revolves around a girl throwing a party for her class mates and it turns out that she is the descendant of a witch burned at the stake and her classmates are descended from the people that burned the witch (Think I am giving to much away? you can actually get that much by reading the back of the box). The bad acting, writing, directing and special effects (seriously, for a movie made in 1999, the effects are on par with an early eighties made-for-t.v. movie) do not do this movie any favors. The sad part is I still have two more films to go. Ugh.

   The B-Movie Guy.

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