Monday, February 24, 2014

The Sorority House Massacre II (I'm Confused...)

Score: 2 Out Of 10
             Normally I do not like to review sequels with out first reviewing the previous film(s), but I am genuinely confused over what this movie is a sequel to. The original "Sorority House Massacre(1986)" is a weird hybrid of slasher and haunted house movies, but the clips shown in the flash back scene of this movie are from "The Slumber Party Massacre(1982)." I wonder if the logic was, "Who cares? No one will ever watch this crap anyway." "Sorority House Massacre II(1990)" was directed by Jim Wynorski and stars Gail Harris, Melissa Moore and Stacia Zhivago. The plot is about a bunch of girls who purchase a house where some pretty gruesome murders happened in hopes of turning it into a sorority house. It is not long before the girls themselves start getting murdered. If you can not tell by the plot, the whole movie is really nothing more than an excuse to have a group of sometimes naked women bouncing around on screen. If it honestly were not for the one or two nude scenes this film would have almost no redeeming quality.

         What really hurts about this movie is all the mistakes. There are at least three moments in the film where you can see the shadow of equipment being used off camera. I am almost left with the impression that the filmmakers were not even trying. Between the terrible acting, writing, directing and the mistakes, I almost believe that the whole idea was to make the whole movie as fast as possible for as little money as possible for the sole purpose of turning a quick profit and that makes me hate this movie so much more. Although, after seeing some of Jim Wynorski's other movies, I should have expected this to suck.

   The B-Movie Guy.
Facebook: B-Movie Guy   Twitter: @BMovieguy

You can check out my review of "Slumber Party Massacre" here.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Dario Argento's Dracula(A Bad Twist On An Old Classic)

Score: 4 Out Of 10

         Normally I am always happy to see an updated version of an old classic, but this time I was left pretty underwhelmed. "Dario Argento's Dracula (2012)" was directed by Dario Argento (obviously) and stars Thomas Kretschmann, Marta Gastini and Asia Argento. If you are not familiar with the classic Dracula story... then get your shit together. It was published well over a hundred years ago, it was really good and there is no excuse for being that far behind. The only difference between the classic story and this movie is that all the action stays in Transylvania instead of moving to London and a subplot where it is revealed that Dracula may have some sort of businessmen arrangements with the local towns people (there are some other little changes and one some of the original characters go missing, but for the most part...). The changes to the story are not bad ones. They are sensible and serve the plot well. I know it is popular to bash a movie for straying to far from the source material, but if good changes are made than i find it completely acceptable. Not that that it is the case here, but there are just some things that do not translated well from print media to film.

        No, my beef here is that even with all the sex and violence the movie is just boring overall. There are way too many moments where I was either rolling my eyes or just waiting for something interesting to happen. On top of that, there were so many scenes with terrible looking CGI effects. I mean Sy-Fy-channel-original bad. I get that they want things that Dracula fans have not seen before but these things should not come at the expense of the film's quality. Do yourself a favor, look for a film called "Blood For Dracula (1974)." It is an old school Italian gore flick that is way more entertaining.

   The B-Movie Guy.
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Monday, February 10, 2014

No Holds Barred (What Was I Thinking?)

 Score: 5 Out Of 10
          I grew up a fan of professional wrestling. More specifically, I grew up a "Hulkamaniac." If you do not know what a Hulkamaniac is, do not worry, you are probably better off not knowing. That being said, I vaguely remember watching this movie as a kid and really loving it. So when I saw it while browsing Hulu, I thought, 'There is no way it was that good.' In a way, I was both right and wrong. "No Holds Barred (1989)"  was directed by Thomas J. Wright and it stars Hulk Hogan, Tommy 'Tiny' Lister and Kurt Fuller. The plot is just a movie version of a late eighties/early nineties WWF story line. Rip (played by Hogan) is the WWF champion and refuses to sign a deal with a competing TV network (this aspect of the story actually mirrors the real life rivalry between WWF and WCW, who was owned by Turner Broadcasting), so the TV network puts together a competition to find a Challenger to take down Rip. Unfortunately the wrestler they get is a complete psycho.
      This is a pretty terrible movie. The acting is bad, the dialogue is borderline ridiculous and the plot does not make a whole lot of sense unless you are an avid wrestling fan who is accustomed to wrestling story lines. There is a romantic subplot at work here, but all the scenes between Hogan and his love interest are just plane awkward. On the other hand, I had a lot of fun watching because the whole thing seemed more like a cartoon than a movie. Maybe it speaks to what appealed to me about wrestling as a child. There are silly characters that take themselves way to seriously and the unrealistic nature of the violence portrayed is pretty kind of fun. I say, throw this movie on, invite over your wrestling-fan-friends and have some laughs. I guarantee, if nothing else, this movie will at least get some laughs out of you.
   The B-Movie Guy.
Facebook: B-Movie Guy   Twitter: @BMovieguy   #NoHoldsBarred   #BMovieBlog

Hogan has done worse... Way worse...

Monday, February 3, 2014

The History Of Future Folk (Hondo!)

Score: 8 Out Of 10

      It is no secret that I am a fan of folk music and movies about about aliens, so you can imagine how delighted I was to find a movie about two aliens performing as a folk music duo. In case you can not imagine, I was indeed pretty delighted. "The History Of Future Folk" was directed by John Mitchell and Jeremy Kip Walker. It stars Nils d'Aulaire, Jay Klaitz and Jullie Ann Emery. The film tells the origins of the real life NYC folk duo "Future Folk." An Alien crash lands on earth on a mission to find his missing comrade who was supposed to destroy our planet years ago and complete the mission himself, but his mind is soon changed when he becomes exposed to humans greatest invention: Music! No joke, I really loved this movie. It was imaginative and funny. The music was wonderful and what really caught me off guard was that there were quite a few serious moments. The film really did explore themes like trust issues with in relationships, forbidden love and duty versus personal belief. I admit it is possible that I am reading to much into this movie, but that should give you an idea of how good the movie was. I was so drawn in that I might have read too much into it.

         The only down side to this movie was there were one or two points where the acting just was not that good. Do not let that stop you, though. The acting over all was above average and Nils d'Aulaire and Jay Klaitz were exceptional. Another point I would like to make is that the movie had an obviously small budget, but that in know way hurts this movie. I would recommend all would be low budget film makers watch this film because it is a perfect example on how a great story makes the movie, not flashy special effects. This is proof that a guy with a red bucket on is head can deliver a better movie than an A-list actor with CGI "claws" and a $120,000,000 budget. Just sayin'.

The B-Movie Guy
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The Music really was awesome. You can find the sound track here.