Devil Seed (Like Everything You've Ever Seen Before)

Score: 6 out of 10

         I was pleasantly surprised by this film only because it was nowhere near as terrible as I thought it would be. "Devil Seed (A.K.A. "The Devil in Me")" was directed by Greg A. Sager and stars Michelle Argyris, Shantelle Canzanese and Vanessa Broze. The film is about a girl who goes to get her fortune told and is unfortunately possessed by a demon. So what this film has going for it is a good cast turning in solid performances, pretty good pacing and decent writing. If you are a new comer to the horror genre you might even get a good couple of scares out of it. I also have give credit to the director for not throwing in too many cheap jump-out-scares. In addition there are some pretty good looking special effects and a good couple of nude scenes thrown in  there as well.

        Unfortunately, for as decent as this film is, it does fall victim to every last cliche in the book for demonic/satanic possession films.  If you have already watched films like "The Exorcist(1973)," "Rosemary's Baby(1968)" or "The Amityville Horror(1979)" then you can just go ahead and skip this film because you have probably already seen everything it has to offer. In closing, the movie is only decent and not bad for a date or a just a quiet evening at home, but for a true horror fan, you will most likely want to just pass this one by.

Love,
   The B-Movie Guy.
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The Slaughterhouse Massacre (Blech...)

Score: 3 out of 10

      Have you ever sat down to watch a movie and just knew that there was no possible way that what you were about to see would be any good? That is exactly how I felt going in to this movie. "The Slaughterhouse Massacre" was directed by Paul Gagne (whom also plays the films villain) and stars Stephani Wells, Cory Nelson and Shaila Vaidya. The plot follows four college students exploring a slaughterhouse that was abandoned after a murder and (spoiler) then get slaughtered themselves (as if you did not see that one coming). Right from the very beginning the problems start popping up. The film and audio quality is absolute shit and the movie as a whole feels as if it were written by a thirteen year old boy. To make matters worse the film is overall just boring and predictable and the acting was so bad it made me even more anxious to see the characters get murdered. Which brings me to the death scenes. They were so horrible looking that I was actually cringing.

        Mind you, I wasn't cringing because they were to gory. Two of them were shot with CGI so bad the SyFy channel would have been embarrassed. The lesson here is that if you do not have the budget for a believable death scene, then just do not show it. Let your audiences imagination do the dirty work. Just to give you an example of how bad this movie sucked, the still to the left was as interesting as it ever got and even that scene was pretty boring. There are some failed attempts at humor and one other sex scene, but overall I actually feel like my IQ dropped a bit while watching this stinker of a movie. Blech...

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

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Beast Beneath (How Not To Make A Monster Movie)

Score: 2 out of 10

             Well, it's Monday and I'm looking around for a movie to watch when this little gem catches my eye. The cover looks pretty good and I do love a good monster movie. On top of that, "Based on a terrifying true tale." Where could I go wrong...? Everywhere. "Beast Beneath" was released in 2011 and was directed by Julian Higgins (who directed a bunch of other shit I've never heard of) and stars Bertie Higgins (I'd check to see if he is related to the director, but I just don't care), Mike Agresta and Phillip Agresta (once again, I just don't care). This movie is so bad it is a crime. How bad? I almost turned it off after realizing i had been watching for forty seven minutes and absolutely nothing had happened. To make things worse the acting sucked, the dialogue was terrible and the movie as a whole was just so unbelievably boring that for a moment I actually contemplated suicide!

            If there is any redeeming quality here it is that the creature effect was actually pretty good. When you finally see the creature it is actually pretty impressive. unfortunately the film builds no suspense at all, so as cool as the monster is, by the time you see it you probably won't even care. In closing, I have to say that this was a pretty lame movie and should probably be avoided. Normally I like to give credit to filmmakers for at least trying, but I do not feel like they were trying. Lesson to all filmmakers: If you base your film on a true story, please make sure it is an interesting one.

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy

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Breeders (Needs More Breeding)

Score: 3 Out Of 10

 

           So I'm browsing through Netflix to try and find a movie to watch, and a Film called "Breeders" catches my eye. Apparently a movie about a meteor that crashes on a college campus and the hideous monster inside that insists on breeding (obviously) with the female students. I should point out that I initially was a bit confused because of the 1986 film of the same title, but that is a different film entirely (maybe even another blog post). This film was released in 1997 and was directed by Paul Mathews and stars Todd Jensen, Samantha Womack and Oliver Tobias. Granted, I have never heard of anybody in this film or even knew it existed, but the mid to late nineties were a pretty good time for cheesy horror/sci-fi flicks ("The Dentist (96)", "Bleeders (97)" and "A Wicked Ghost(99)"). So, feeling fairly confident, I popped my popcorn, loaded up the movie and settled in for what I was sure was going to be a pretty good time.

 

         I was so wrong. By an hour into the film I was fighting sleep. In fact I actually went to bed and watched the last ten minutes in the morning when I awoke. Even with a plot this cool the movie overall felt boring. To make matters worse, I am not even sure why the movie was boring. The pacing was good, the creature affects were pretty cool and the dialogue and acting were passable (I mean not great but certainly not bad). Yet, overall, it was just plain boring. In closing, I have to say I am very disappointed. I guess just expect more from a movie about an alien beast "mating" with human women.

 

       Love,

           The B-Movie Guy

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Birdemic: Shock And Terror (Total Garbage)

Score: 2 Out Of 10

 

           Every so often, I come across a film so bad, I'm not even sure how to tell you how bad it is. Seriously. This film is so awful, I actually feel like the creators some how cheated me. When it ended I just felt angry. The kind of angry that if the director was sitting next to me, I might have punched him. "Birdemic: Shock and Terror" was written and directed by James Nguyen. It stars Alan Bagh, Whitney Moore and Janae Caster. The plot is a straight up rip off of the birds. A man meets a girl. They fall in love, and then they get attacked by horrible CGI birds. In fact the CGI in this film is so bad that the birds more resemble characters from a Super Nintendo game than actual birds. In addition, the CGI is so over used that even when the couple stumbles upon a dead bird, it to is completely computer generated. To make things even worse (yeah, it actually gets worse) when ever there is dialogue taking place out doors there is so much ambient noise you can not make out what people are saying. Why not just dub the voices in post?!

 

         That brings me to my next point. The acting is so bad it is almost criminal. Instead of anti-piracy laws, we should pass a law against acting this poorly in a film. Although the blame should not go to just the actors, the dialogue was so bad I found myself getting a headache. In one scene a man remarks about them suffering a heat wave in the middle  winter. A few scenes later there is a "Pumpkin Festival" where a banner clearly points out that it is late October. I can not in good faith recommend anybody watch this horrible abomination of film making. I myself just feel like I lost an hour and a half that I will never get back.

 

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

 

 

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Stingray Sam (Sci-Fi, Western, Comedy, Musical... Again.)

Score: 7 Out Of 10.

 

           So, not long after watching "The American Astronaut," it was brought to my attention that writer/director, Cory McAbee, made another film that takes place within the same universe, but is not a direct sequel. That is actually nice because I do not typically enjoy sequels. "Stingray Sam" stars Cory McAbee (yup... wrote, directed and stared in... again), Crugie, and Joshua Taylor. Also, the film is narrated by David Hyde Pierce and all the music is written and performed by The Billy Nayer Show... again (the soundtrack was pretty good this time as well and is also available on iTunes). All in all, this was a pretty fun movie and from what I understand was shot in a way that would make it enjoyable on any device (honestly, I watched it on a 40 in. HDTV, so I can't really speak for how true that statement is). The jokes all work, the soundtrack is pretty awesome and they even manage to sneak in a little bit of social commentary.

 

   The problem with "The American Astronaut" I felt was the pacing. Fortunately this film does not suffer from the same problem. This film moves along a lot quicker. There seems to be two reasons why. 1)The film is broken up into six episodes, each with an intro and it's own set of credits and 2)as a whole, the film is about a half hour shorter.  Unfortunately this seems to lack some of the charm from it's predecessor. The first film just seemed to have more of an edge to it where this film almost seems like an excuse to work out all the ideas that Mr. McAbee could not fit into the first film. Still very enjoyable, though.

 

   Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

   Twitter: @Bmovieguy   #Bmovieblog   #Stingraysam    Facebook: B-Movie Guy.



 

The American Astronaut (Sci-Fi, Western, Comedy, Musical... yup.)

Score: 8 Out Of 10.

 

          No, you did not read the sub-title incorrectly. This film was in fact a science fiction, a western, a comedy, and a musical, and I promise that all these elements fit together almost perfectly. "The American Astronaut" was released in 2001 and Stars Cory McAbee (who also wrote and directed), Rocco Sisto and Gregory Russell Cook. The plot is that a man named Samuel is an interplanetary trader (a frame of reference for a time period is never specified) who is on a mission deliver a cat, a case containing a real live girl, a boy (who actually saw a women's breast), and some remains while being pursued by an old foe. This is really an understatement for the plot but I am really afraid if I say any more I might spoil the film. There was quite a bit to love about this movie. It was very well written and the dialogue was very witty, the jokes really do make you laugh AND think. All of the actors and actresses turn in performances that really draw you in (I particularly enjoyed the dance scenes) and the music was very well written and performed (the entire soundtrack was performed by The Billy Nayer Show, you can find it on iTunes).

 

        The only negative thing I can say about this film is that it suffered from poor pacing. A lot of times the pacing of a film can really make or brake it but luckily it did not break this film. Although there were times when I felt the movie kinda dragged, they were few and far between. Another thing I should point out is that I do not feel this film is for everyone. I ca not help but feel that a lot of people will watch it and not understand it and give it negative reviews. I promise if you just take the time to sit and think about it, you will not have this problem. The best thing I can say about "The American Astronaut" is that as soon as it ended, I wanted to watch it again.

 

    Love,

    The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @Bmovieguy   #BMovieblog   #TheAmericanAstronaut   Facebook: B-Movie Guy