Monday, June 17, 2013

The Slaughterhouse Massacre (Blech...)

Score: 3 out of 10

      Have you ever sat down to watch a movie and just knew that there was no possible way that what you were about to see would be any good? That is exactly how I felt going in to this movie. "The Slaughterhouse Massacre" was directed by Paul Gagne (whom also plays the films villain) and stars Stephani Wells, Cory Nelson and Shaila Vaidya. The plot follows four college students exploring a slaughterhouse that was abandoned after a murder and (spoiler) then get slaughtered themselves (as if you did not see that one coming). Right from the very beginning the problems start popping up. The film and audio quality is absolute shit and the movie as a whole feels as if it were written by a thirteen year old boy. To make matters worse the film is overall just boring and predictable and the acting was so bad it made me even more anxious to see the characters get murdered. Which brings me to the death scenes. They were so horrible looking that I was actually cringing.

        Mind you, I wasn't cringing because they were to gory. Two of them were shot with CGI so bad the SyFy channel would have been embarrassed. The lesson here is that if you do not have the budget for a believable death scene, then just do not show it. Let your audiences imagination do the dirty work. Just to give you an example of how bad this movie sucked, the still to the left was as interesting as it ever got and even that scene was pretty boring. There are some failed attempts at humor and one other sex scene, but overall I actually feel like my IQ dropped a bit while watching this stinker of a movie. Blech...

   The B-Movie Guy.
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