Monday, June 10, 2013

Beast Beneath (How Not To Make A Monster Movie)

Score: 2 out of 10

             Well, it's Monday and I'm looking around for a movie to watch when this little gem catches my eye. The cover looks pretty good and I do love a good monster movie. On top of that, "Based on a terrifying true tale." Where could I go wrong...? Everywhere. "Beast Beneath" was released in 2011 and was directed by Julian Higgins (who directed a bunch of other shit I've never heard of) and stars Bertie Higgins (I'd check to see if he is related to the director, but I just don't care), Mike Agresta and Phillip Agresta (once again, I just don't care). This movie is so bad it is a crime. How bad? I almost turned it off after realizing i had been watching for forty seven minutes and absolutely nothing had happened. To make things worse the acting sucked, the dialogue was terrible and the movie as a whole was just so unbelievably boring that for a moment I actually contemplated suicide!

            If there is any redeeming quality here it is that the creature effect was actually pretty good. When you finally see the creature it is actually pretty impressive. unfortunately the film builds no suspense at all, so as cool as the monster is, by the time you see it you probably won't even care. In closing, I have to say that this was a pretty lame movie and should probably be avoided. Normally I like to give credit to filmmakers for at least trying, but I do not feel like they were trying. Lesson to all filmmakers: If you base your film on a true story, please make sure it is an interesting one.

   The B-Movie Guy

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