Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle Of Death

Score: 2 Out Of 10

          I was browsing Hulu  and saw "The Criterion Collection" and thought I would watch some thing really good. Then I some how settled for this stinker of a movie. I am still not even sure why I selected it. But I did. In hindsight, I probably should have stuck with my original goal. "Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle Of Death (1989)" was directed by J.F. Lawton and stars Shannon Tweed, Adrienne Barbeau and Bill Maher (I get that people are pretty divided on Mr. Maher, so let's leave politics out of this and just focus on the movie). The film is about a feminist professor who is hired by the U.S. government to try and talk a tribe of cannibal jungle women into relocating so they can protect the nations avocados supplies. She brings a dumb but pretty assistant and a male chauvinist guide (also kind of dumb)  along with her. So the film as a whole is not particularly funny (it is a comedy, by the way), but it does have it's moments and there is no shortage of scantly clad women. If you manage to watch this movie more than once color me impressed.

          The real problem with the movie overall is that almost all of the humor behind this film was derived from stereotypes about men and women and how we interact with each other. This concept would be acceptable if at some point the film used some of it's humor to say something insightful but instead it just sticks to the same old "men are from Mars and women ore from Venus" jokes that you have heard since you were a kid. I honestly got about half way through this movie and started wishing that one of the "Piranha  Women" would kill me. The best compliment I could think of to give this movie is that the tag line at least made me chuckle, but then I felt immediately guilty afterwards.

Love,
   The B-Movie Guy.
Twitter: @BMovieguy

King Kong Vs. Godzilla (Father Vs. Son)

Score: 6 Out of 10

        While on a recent trip to the store, I lifted my son up (he will be three in January) so he could see what was in the five dollar DVD bin. The very first movie he picked up was "King Kong Vs. Godzilla (1962)." I am a huge fan of "King Kong (1933)" and my son is a huge fan of "Godzilla (1954)." As you could imagine, we literally trash talke each other the entire drive home, then immediately watched the movie. "King Kong Vs. Godzilla" was directed by Ishirô Honda and stars Tadao Takashima, Kenji Sahara and Yu Fujiki. The movie begins with a pharmaceutical company kidnapping King Kong as a marketing gimmick. At the same time, Godzilla escapes his ice berg prison in the ocean. Eventually both monsters descend upon Japan for a kinda epic show down. In a weird kind of way, the semi-rivalry that developed between my son and I over the next hour or so is almost a metaphor for the movie we were about to watch. "King Kong" was, in fact, the film that inspired "Gojira."

        The rivalry on screen plays out over about ninety minutes and actually set the pace for the next decade or two of Godzilla films and various other giant Japanese monster, or Kaiju, films. This was the first of the films to be marketed to younger audiences. As a result, people in the film tend to have silly reactions to the monsters rather than terrified ones. Also the monsters seem to appear more goofy than menacing. As a result, like most other films from this genre released through out the sixties and seventies, the film is silly and nonsensical. The special effects are bad and the acting is just plain atrocious. But for some reason, these films have a lot of charm to them. Maybe it is because it brings out the kid in me, or maybe it is seeing how much joy my son gets out of them. Either way, I am always happy to sit down and wastch one of these movies and "King Kong Vs. Godzilla," as silly and stupid as it may be, will from here on hold a special place in my heart. 

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Night Of The Demons 2 (A sequel to DIE for!)

Score: 8 Out Of 10

           Back when I was in high school, I used to frequent this little video store around the corner from my parents house. The store was loaded with VHS tapes and had a fairly large selection of obscure horror and sci-fi films. This is where I first saw "Night of the Demons (1988)." I fell in love with the film and remember watching it twice back to back. So imagine how elated I was to learn there are sequels! "Night of the Demons 2 (1994)" was direted by Brian Trenchard-Smith and Stars Amelia Kinkade, Cristi Harris and Darin Heames. The movie is about some teenagers who decide to party at the infamous "Hull House." It's not long before creepy things start happening and they decide to leave unknowingly bringing a demonic force with them. What makes this film good is it does not take itself too seriously. This film is not a dark comedy by any means, but it does definitely have it's fair share of laughs. I am also happy to report that for every laugh to be had in this film, there is at least one genuinely creepy moment. The other aspect of this film I really enjoyed were the awesome special effects.

       A lot of nineties horror films experimented with computer generated imagery with some pretty awkward results. This film however, tends to favor home made effects done with paint and latex. The end results are some really wonderful and actually scary visuals. The downside was the dialogue was a little silly here and there. There were some moments where I was left thinking 'Who talks like this?' Also, I am not a fan of reusing scenes from the first film for things that should have been easy enough to shoot. Example: our main antagonist roaming the halls of "Hull House." But these minor irritants aside, "NOTD2" does not disappoint. It may not be as good as the first, but is does make for a pretty good sequel. Now let's just hope the third film is up to snuff...

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy

Le Fear II: Le Sequel (Kinda New But Kinda Not)

Score: 6 Out Of 10

              I will preface this post by saying that I have not seen "Le Fear (2010)" and did not read up on "Le Fear II: Le Sequel" before I started watching it. I did not even bother to reed the IMDB page for the film. Why? Because sometimes it is better to walk into a film completely blind and just let yourself be surprised. "Le Fear II: Le Sequel (Due to be released in the UK on April 11th, 2015)" was written and directed by Jason Croot (who also has a supporting role in the film) and stars Kyri Saphiris, Seye Adelekan and Leila Reed. The film is a comedy/horror/mockumentary that shows the trials and tribulations of a writer and director that has sunk five hundred thousand dollars of his own money into a film, but right from the first moment of shooting, our protagonist is plagued by a producer who seems to be more of a con-artist . The film is pretty well acted and very well shot. If I did not know any better I would almost swear that I was watching an actual documentary.

            The movie seems to take pages out of the playbooks from more mainstream  mockumentaries such as "This Is Spinal Tap (1984)" and "The Office (2001)" by building comedic situations based on awkward encounters and ludicrous problems. I'm happy to say that most of the jokes work, but in hindsight, the feeling I got through out most of the film was much akin to deja vu. I felt like I had seen almost all of the aforementioned situations in other movies and T.V. shows and the film as a whole was just unoriginal. In the end, It is a fun movie but I felt like they could have done better to offer new ideas rather than just rehashing the old ones.

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Witching and Bitching (Good Movie, Stupid Title)

Score: 7 Out Of 10

             I will admit that the only reason I watched this movie is because the poster creeped me out. Every time I would load up Netflix for like two weeks I would see the poster and think, 'Eww, I should watch that, but the title is just so stupid.' "Witching and Bitching (2013) was directed and co-written by Álex de la Iglesia and stars Hugo Silva, Mario Casas and Pepon Nieto. The movie tells the story of three robbers (one being the twelve year old son of another older robber) who hit up a cash for gold store in hilarious fashion. Before long, police and the young boys mother are pursuing the robbers while they themselves are confronting witches in a small, creepy town. So finally, after a week or two, I gave in and watched the movie and I was not disappointing "Witching and Bitching" is a clever mix of both comedy and horror. For every moment I was cringing (in a good way) I was chuckling. I especially like the nods to European witchcraft films from the 1970's. Think "The Blood On Satan's Claw (1971)" and "The Wicker Man (1973).

         
         What bothers me, on the other hand, is almost the exact same thing I liked about this movie. For all the inspiration it draws from older films, it does not offer us anything new. The horror genre the last ten years or so (and really almost all american mainstream cinema) has gotten stale. It is almost all remakes and rehashed ideas and this film is no different. Be that as it may, "W&B" is still a pretty entertaining film. There are plenty of surprises and laughs, but I just can not picture this movie having any long lasting appeal to older horror fans, but for younger fans who are new to the genre, there is plenty to love.

  

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Full Moon High (Would've been better if I were...)

Score: 3 Out of 10

             In the first half of the nineteen eighties there was a rash of werewolf movies. Some funny, some scary, some just downright weird. "An American Werewolf in London (1981)," "Teen Wolf (1985)" and "Wolfen (1981)" are some of the better films. But for all the good movies that fit into this sub-genre, there were some really bad ones. "Full Moon High (1981)" was written and directed by Larry Cohen and stars Adam Arkin, Roz Kelly and Ed McMahon. Also keep an eye out for some pretty interesting cameos. No joke, Bob Saget is shown naked in the first three minutes of this film. The plot is about a high school football player who goes to eastern Europe with his C.I.A. agent father, is bitten by a werewolf, becomes a werewolf and then somehow magically time travels twenty years into the future. Yeah, you read the last part correctly. So the movie as a whole is supposed to be a spoof of werewolf movies but it is really more of a spoof of "I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957)." It should come as no surprise that "Teenage Werewolf" was a much better, and funnier film; even if it was not meant to be funny.

         Sadly, "Full Moon High" was meant to be funny, and for the entire ninety three minute run time I did not laugh once. I have a pretty dark sense of humor so dark comedies normally do well by me, but this movie was missing one key ingredient; humor. The jokes in this movie felt forced and half of them were just really bad puns (in hindsight, I guess if you like puns this movie is for you). Honestly, at a time when so many good werewolf movies were coming out, and even werewolf comedies, this movie just falls short. Do yourself a favor and skip this one and watch literally any other werewolf movie from the eighties.  I promise you will not regret it.

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Big Ass Spider! (Maybe too big...)

Score: 6 Out Of 10

              I woke up earlier than normal on Sunday morning. I could not get back to sleep, so I eventually got up, went to the living room and started browsing movies on Netflix. This little gem caught my eye and I thought 'why not?' Honestly, my Sunday was not off to a bad start. "Big Ass Spider!" was directed by Mike Mendez and stars Greg Grunberg, Clare Kramer and Lombardo Boyar. The plot is about an exterminator hired by a hospital to kill a genetically modified spider and it is not long before horror/hilarity ensues. Normally when I watch these Sy-Fy-channel-original-esque movies I get very bored about an hour into the movie and start staring into my cell phone. This time, however, I was pretty into it for almost the entire movie. The film had a pretty good mix of humor and creepiness that kept me glued to the t.v. for at least the first hour of the movie. The last half hour of the movie is where the movie started to loose me. If they had kept this film about a spider that is pretty big, maybe the size of a small dog, than it would have been better.

     
      When the spider became giant is when the movie lost me. I have seen so many giant spider movies at this point that the whole idea is just boring now. If I ever see a giant spider in real life, there is a fair chance I might look at it and go 'meh,' then go about my day. When the spider was small the film was genuinely creepy and was actually setting itself aside from all the other low budget monster movies I had seen. Another thing that sucks about this plot twist is once the spider goes giant the CGI becomes painfully obvious and everything just starts to look like a cartoon. When the spider was small the CGI actually looked pretty cool. So I at least recommend the first part of this film. The first hour of so will not disappoint.

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy