Agency of Vengeance: Dark Rising

Score: 2 Out Of 10

          I am going to try something different. I watched a crappy Sy-Fy-channel-esque film and instead of holding to my own standard of what a good movie should or should not be, I am going review it compared to other films of it's caliber. "Agency Of Vengeance: Dark Rising" was written and directed by Andrew Cymek and stars Brigitte Kingsley, Landy Cannon and Julia Schneider. The movie is about a secret government agency whose goal is to protect people from monsters. Summer Vale is their top agent who is a mess after her fiance is killed by a giant monster on their wedding day, but she has to pull it together to stop the impending armageddon. Other than Michael Ironside, there is almost nothing about this movie I like. The story, dialogue and acting are all over the place. Also the special effects, which are terrible, are greatly overused. There is no reason for CGI blood when someone gets shot.

        But when you compare this film to others in the made in the same style (or with a similar budget), it is still really terrible. The film as a whole just feels completely phoned in. It is almost like they were not even trying to make a good movie. The fact that I swear I saw one of the main characters look at the camera more than a couple of times just highlights how bad it all was. To be fair, This is a sequel and I have not seen the first movie, but if this movie is this bad then I do not want to see the original. What really hurts about the whole thing is Michael Ironside. I love that guy. I love most of his movies and the fact that he is in this makes me worry. Is he broke? He could do so much better than this.

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Nurse 3D (10 CC's of Lame)

Score: 3 Out Of 10

           This movie has been sitting in my Netflix queue for quite some time and I finally looked at it and said 'Why not?' after having sat through the entire film I can actually think of several reasons why not. "Nurse 3D (2013)" was directed by Douglas Aarniokoski and stars Paz De La Huerta, Judd Nelson (yes, that guy from "The Breakfast Club (1985)") and Katrina Bowden. The film is about a nurse who also happens to be a serial killer who preys on married men. She becomes obsessed with a new nurse in her hospital and the high jinks begin. Honestly, the writing is bad, the dialogue is all over the place and the acting is just plain horrendous. Everything our main character says is said in this ridiculous sexy voice reminiscent of bad porn star stereotypes. You do not need to sound sexy when ordering medications or asking about a patient. After a few minutes it stops being fun and it just becomes really annoying.

     I understand that this movie was made to look like an old "grindhouse" film from the 1970's but those movies did not just rely on style, although had plenty of it, they had real substance to them. A lot of those films had a point to make (mind you, not always a good point, but a point none the less) and this film just does not. It really is just a bunch of sex and violence for the sole purpose of showing people sex and violence. By the way, if that is your thing then do not let me dissuade you, this movie is right up your alley. But me, I need more than that and this movie just did not deliver for me.

Love,
   The B-Movie Guy.
Twitter: @BMovieguy

Wolfcop (All Bark and a Little Bite)

Score: 5 Out Of 10

          I am a pretty big fan of werewolf movies. The problem is that for all the films I have seen from this genre, there are very few good ones. So whenever I come across a new movie I get a little excited thinking there is a chance I could have found another good werewolf movie. "Wolfcop (2014)" was written and directed by Lowell Dean and stars Leo Fafard, Amy Matysio and Sarah Lind. The movie is about an alcoholic police officer who is transformed into a werewolf while investigating a string of bizarre events and uses his new found wolfiness to better solve crimes. By the way, no, this film will not be added to my list of good werewolf movies. The dialogue is awkward and there are too many moments where the acting just becomes laughable. Another problem is that the longer the film goes on the more convoluted the story gets. By the end  of the film I was getting confused over who was who and what was what. Do not misunderstand me, Normally I like a film that requires thought, but this was just plain confusing.

      A big thing I always look forward to in a film like this is the transformation scene. I am happy to report this film features mostly practical effects and the end result is a pretty good (and gory) transformation. My only complaint about it is that the first thing we see transform is the main characters' penis. I get that it was meant to be funny and shocking but my first thought was 'That was unnecessary.' That being said, if there is another thing that saves this movie and it is the humor. There were a few moments throughout where I was laughing for the right reasons, just not enough for me to really be able to recommend this movie to anyone. Hopefully the sequel (announced for 2016) will get it right, because I really do like the premise.

Love,
   The B-Movie Guy.
Twitter: @BMovieguy