Monday, October 7, 2013

Amazons And Gladiators (100% Crap-Fest)

Score: 2 Out Of 10.
          Let me begin by stating that I am very impressed that the ancient Romans were able to invent (and apparently perfect) breast augmentation surgery. That the statement should let you know just how historically accurate this movie was (in case you're still wondering, it wasn't). "Amazons and Gladiators (2001)" was directed by Zachary Weintraub (the genius who also brought us "Diva Detectives (2003)") and stars Patrick Bergin, Jennifer Rubin and Richard Norton. The plot follows the plight of a dancing slave girls who, with a little help, escapes her captors, becomes an amazon and returns to fight her former captors in arena style combat. The arena style combat, by the way, takes place in the Roman Colosseum (Amphitheatrum Flavium)... about fifty years or so before it was actually constructed. It also manages to depict the death of Crassius, who in reality was named Crassus and was actually killed by the Parthians, not amazons. But historical inaccuracies should not stand in the way of a good movie, right? Well that would be the case if this was a good movie.
       Unfortunately this movie fails on almost every single level. The acting is just straight up terrible and the fight seems only make the poor acting even more noticeable. The dialogue is just atrocious. People just do not talk like that, not in ancient Rome and certainly not now. It is almost enough to make me believe that the writer of this film (who was also the director) has never actually interacted with another human being and therefore has no idea how people talk to each other. Another complaint I have is the wardrobes. I feel like I could have come up with the same costumes just by spending about a hundred dollars at the nearest costume store. I have given decent scores to other films that had just as many problems because the people who mad those films appeared to really be trying to make a good movie and that is what bothers me most about this movies. It really seems as if the people involved in making it were not even trying and that is really what hurts the most.
   The B-Movie Guy.
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