Saturday, June 25, 2011

Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (or quite possibly the worst film I've ever seen!)

Score: 0 Out Of 10

                I'm not even sure where to begin with this one, so I'll start with the stats. This film was written (if you can call that writing) and directed by Lucifer Valentine... no seriously, that's the guys name. This is probably the kind of guy who would give himself a nick name and think it's awesome while his friends call him a douche bag behind his back. This film stars Amera LaVey (I wonder where she came up with that name?), Pig Lizzy and Maja Lee.  It runs for about 70 something minutes (no joke, at the 36min. mark, I thought I had been watching for hours), and was released in 2006.
               So this film from start to finish looks like a collection of home video footage run through bad screen filters. The only audio is random noises and distorted voices. It starts out as a collection of sex scenes that are especially degrading, then turns super gory (gore that also looks super fake), then returns to more sex scenes. At one point, just to give you, dear reader, an example of how fake the gore looks, at one point a woman's face is cut off and I was left thinking, 'How do you cut off someones face but not there eyelids or lips?' Don't worry, as the title implies there is also a ton of puke in there.
                At one point a woman even vomits on her own disembodied eyeballs. Now, don't get me wrong, I am the kind of moviegoer who genuinely appreciates a lot of sex and violence in a film. I mean, it certainly doesn't hurt, but more importantly a film (whether it be an A or B film) still needs a good story to be enjoyable.

Did you watch the trailer? No? Go ahead. I'll wait.
              That, my friend, is about as much of a story as you will get from watching the entire film! No joke. So in conclusion. on a scale of 1 to 10, I give this one a 2. It wasn't worth the time and I feel as if I have brought shame on my family for having watched it.

The B-Movie Guy.

If you're still interested, this film is available on demand right now on It has a 1 and a half star rating.

#Bmovieblog #slaughteredvomitdolls

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