H.O.T.S. (Trashy AND Funny)

Score: 5 Out Of 10

           This is one of those movies where you invite some friends over, have a couple of beers, pop some popcorn and just laugh the night away. You and your friends, by the way, are not going to be laughing because the film itself is genuinely funny, but because of how ridiculously bad it is. "H.O.T.S. (1979)" was directed by Gerald Seth Sindell and stars Susan Kiger, Pamela Jean Bryant and Danny Bonaduce (I would love to make fun of him for being in this film, but who could blame him for wanting to costar with a bunch of Playboy Playmates). The plot is... well... Virtually nonexistent for one thing. It really seems like a group of girls start a sorority, get into to trouble with the dean for being too risque, then feud (for almost no reason) with another sorority. The feud, by the way, consists of pranks and a wet t-shirt contest and culminates in a (spoiler) game of strip football. So you have probably guessed by now that this is not a great movie, but to be honest, it was not meant to be a great movie. For your time and money it promises cheap laughs and lots and lots of boobies and to be fair it does deliver on both. The adult in me really wants to roll my eyes at this one but the teenager found it hilarious.

        It really is, however, how over the top bad this movie that made me enjoy it. All of the high jinks the girls get into play out so terribly and so ridiculously that I could not help but laugh at all of it. The girls have a sea lion as their mascot. So rather than have a guy in a sea lion mascot costume, there is a hand full of scenes with an actual sea lion. And that is the kind of shit that made me like this movie. It did not have good acting or a good script or even a real budget (I could imagine that most of it went to the actresses) but what this movie does have is, like it's main characters, heart and charm.

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy

The Iron Rose (Pleasantly Surprised)

Score: 6 Out Of 10

          Most times when I watch a film by Jean Rollin I am left with two thoughts; 1) What in the actual fuck did I just see? And 2) This was a porno that he just edited into an actual movie, wasn't it? Honestly, this time, the latter did not occur to me and the first thought only occurred once or twice. "The Iron Rose (1973)" was directed by Jean Rollin and stars Francoise Pascal and Hugues Quester. The plot is about a man and a woman who meet up at a cemetery for some after hours love making and then realize that they are trapped inside and there fears are starting to get the best of them. Let me say here that this is actually one of Rollin's better films. It is dark, atmospheric and has a lot of shots that are just really pretty. There were a lot of moments where I caught myself thinking, 'Wow, that is a really beautiful shot.' On top of that, this film is also better acted than most of the other films I have seen from Rollin. Possibly related, this one of the few films I have seen from this guy that is not about vampires and did not begin life as a pornographic film. The film is actually a pretty good example of how to be erotic with out being trashy.

       Although, like I mentioned earlier, there were a couple of moments where I just did not know  what to make of what I was seeing. The picture to my right is a prime example. Like, is that Rollin's attempt at humor or is that supposed to be some sort of deep statement? Also, the film is not very well paced. There are at least a few moments in the film where I was just kind of waiting for something to happen or fighting the urge to look at my phone. Over all, "Rose" is not a bad movie, it has some flaws and some WTF moments, but trust me, I have seen much, much worse from Jean Rollin.

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Loaded (A.K.A. Bloody Weekend)

Score: 1 Out Of 10

         Have you ever had to sit in a room with a group of people and one of them constantly acted like they were the smartest person in the world yet every one around them knew they were an idiot? That is exactly how I felt watching this movie. "Loaded (1994)" was directed by Anna Campion and stars Oliver Milburn, Dearbhla Molloy and Danny Cunningham. The plot is about a group of friends who drive out to a remote location to film a horror movie but things take a turn for the worst when they drop acid. This is another one of those "horror within a horror" movies that was so popular in the nineties. The problem here is that the movie itself seems worse than movie within it. If you had sat me down and showed me the film these kids were trying to make I probably would have had a better experience. One aspect of what makes this movie so bad is the story. The characters are completely erratic, even for people taking hallucinogenic drugs. It is difficult to get a sense of who someone is when there character seems to change every couple of scenes.

        The next problem is the one I hinted at right at the beginning of this blog. I did not think it was possible for a movie to be pretentious but I stand corrected. Watching it, I almost got the sense that the film itself was looking down its nose at me. What this really means is that the filmmakers attempted to make an art film with out having any sense of artistic film making. This is a problem I have encountered before but this is the absolute worst. Do not, by any means watch this movie. If someone gives you a copy, consider it a personal insult.

Love, 

   The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy