Breeders (Needs More Breeding)

Score: 3 Out Of 10

 

           So I'm browsing through Netflix to try and find a movie to watch, and a Film called "Breeders" catches my eye. Apparently a movie about a meteor that crashes on a college campus and the hideous monster inside that insists on breeding (obviously) with the female students. I should point out that I initially was a bit confused because of the 1986 film of the same title, but that is a different film entirely (maybe even another blog post). This film was released in 1997 and was directed by Paul Mathews and stars Todd Jensen, Samantha Womack and Oliver Tobias. Granted, I have never heard of anybody in this film or even knew it existed, but the mid to late nineties were a pretty good time for cheesy horror/sci-fi flicks ("The Dentist (96)", "Bleeders (97)" and "A Wicked Ghost(99)"). So, feeling fairly confident, I popped my popcorn, loaded up the movie and settled in for what I was sure was going to be a pretty good time.

 

         I was so wrong. By an hour into the film I was fighting sleep. In fact I actually went to bed and watched the last ten minutes in the morning when I awoke. Even with a plot this cool the movie overall felt boring. To make matters worse, I am not even sure why the movie was boring. The pacing was good, the creature affects were pretty cool and the dialogue and acting were passable (I mean not great but certainly not bad). Yet, overall, it was just plain boring. In closing, I have to say I am very disappointed. I guess just expect more from a movie about an alien beast "mating" with human women.

 

       Love,

           The B-Movie Guy

Facebook: B-Movie Guy   Twitter: @BMovieguy   #Breeders   #BMovieblog

 

 

Birdemic: Shock And Terror (Total Garbage)

Score: 2 Out Of 10

 

           Every so often, I come across a film so bad, I'm not even sure how to tell you how bad it is. Seriously. This film is so awful, I actually feel like the creators some how cheated me. When it ended I just felt angry. The kind of angry that if the director was sitting next to me, I might have punched him. "Birdemic: Shock and Terror" was written and directed by James Nguyen. It stars Alan Bagh, Whitney Moore and Janae Caster. The plot is a straight up rip off of the birds. A man meets a girl. They fall in love, and then they get attacked by horrible CGI birds. In fact the CGI in this film is so bad that the birds more resemble characters from a Super Nintendo game than actual birds. In addition, the CGI is so over used that even when the couple stumbles upon a dead bird, it to is completely computer generated. To make things even worse (yeah, it actually gets worse) when ever there is dialogue taking place out doors there is so much ambient noise you can not make out what people are saying. Why not just dub the voices in post?!

 

         That brings me to my next point. The acting is so bad it is almost criminal. Instead of anti-piracy laws, we should pass a law against acting this poorly in a film. Although the blame should not go to just the actors, the dialogue was so bad I found myself getting a headache. In one scene a man remarks about them suffering a heat wave in the middle  winter. A few scenes later there is a "Pumpkin Festival" where a banner clearly points out that it is late October. I can not in good faith recommend anybody watch this horrible abomination of film making. I myself just feel like I lost an hour and a half that I will never get back.

 

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

 

 

Twitter: @Bmovieguy   #Birdemic   #BMovieblog   Facebook: The B-Movie Guy

Stingray Sam (Sci-Fi, Western, Comedy, Musical... Again.)

Score: 7 Out Of 10.

 

           So, not long after watching "The American Astronaut," it was brought to my attention that writer/director, Cory McAbee, made another film that takes place within the same universe, but is not a direct sequel. That is actually nice because I do not typically enjoy sequels. "Stingray Sam" stars Cory McAbee (yup... wrote, directed and stared in... again), Crugie, and Joshua Taylor. Also, the film is narrated by David Hyde Pierce and all the music is written and performed by The Billy Nayer Show... again (the soundtrack was pretty good this time as well and is also available on iTunes). All in all, this was a pretty fun movie and from what I understand was shot in a way that would make it enjoyable on any device (honestly, I watched it on a 40 in. HDTV, so I can't really speak for how true that statement is). The jokes all work, the soundtrack is pretty awesome and they even manage to sneak in a little bit of social commentary.

 

   The problem with "The American Astronaut" I felt was the pacing. Fortunately this film does not suffer from the same problem. This film moves along a lot quicker. There seems to be two reasons why. 1)The film is broken up into six episodes, each with an intro and it's own set of credits and 2)as a whole, the film is about a half hour shorter.  Unfortunately this seems to lack some of the charm from it's predecessor. The first film just seemed to have more of an edge to it where this film almost seems like an excuse to work out all the ideas that Mr. McAbee could not fit into the first film. Still very enjoyable, though.

 

   Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

   Twitter: @Bmovieguy   #Bmovieblog   #Stingraysam    Facebook: B-Movie Guy.



 

The American Astronaut (Sci-Fi, Western, Comedy, Musical... yup.)

Score: 8 Out Of 10.

 

          No, you did not read the sub-title incorrectly. This film was in fact a science fiction, a western, a comedy, and a musical, and I promise that all these elements fit together almost perfectly. "The American Astronaut" was released in 2001 and Stars Cory McAbee (who also wrote and directed), Rocco Sisto and Gregory Russell Cook. The plot is that a man named Samuel is an interplanetary trader (a frame of reference for a time period is never specified) who is on a mission deliver a cat, a case containing a real live girl, a boy (who actually saw a women's breast), and some remains while being pursued by an old foe. This is really an understatement for the plot but I am really afraid if I say any more I might spoil the film. There was quite a bit to love about this movie. It was very well written and the dialogue was very witty, the jokes really do make you laugh AND think. All of the actors and actresses turn in performances that really draw you in (I particularly enjoyed the dance scenes) and the music was very well written and performed (the entire soundtrack was performed by The Billy Nayer Show, you can find it on iTunes).

 

        The only negative thing I can say about this film is that it suffered from poor pacing. A lot of times the pacing of a film can really make or brake it but luckily it did not break this film. Although there were times when I felt the movie kinda dragged, they were few and far between. Another thing I should point out is that I do not feel this film is for everyone. I ca not help but feel that a lot of people will watch it and not understand it and give it negative reviews. I promise if you just take the time to sit and think about it, you will not have this problem. The best thing I can say about "The American Astronaut" is that as soon as it ended, I wanted to watch it again.

 

    Love,

    The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @Bmovieguy   #BMovieblog   #TheAmericanAstronaut   Facebook: B-Movie Guy

 

 

Sand Sharks (Like Jaws... But terrible.)

Score: 3 Out Of 10

            Do not let the picture to the left fool you, this movie is pretty bad. In fact, the shark you see here does not match any of the sharks shown in the movie at all. The sharks that are shown in the movie are these giant purple and blue monsters who look some what prehistoric, or at least that is what I think they were going for.  "Sand Sharks" was directed by Mark Atkins. It stars Corin Nemec, Brooke Hogan (yes, THAT Brooke Hogan) and Venessa Lee Evigan. The plot is as simple as it gets. A concert promoter and all around douche bag comes to a small California town (where his creepy dad is also the mayor and played by Edgar Allan Poe IV, who is a distant relative of the famed poet) to put on a concert to capitalize on spring break, but all the happenings are soon ruined by sharks who swim through and attack people via sand (and in one or two scenes water as well). There are some sub plots here but none of them are even worth mentioning.

            The problems with this film become apparent almost immediately. The acting is bad, the writing is just bl eh and there is so much CGI (Computer Generated Imagery) that at times I thought some of the party goers in the films climax were computer generated. I understand that for a film like this CGI just make sense, but it just looked so bad. It was almost like watching someone play a video game. Unfortunately the real loser in all this (besides the audience) is Brooke Hogan. After a less than successful music career this film is a big hint that acting might not work out as well. I get that her dad was a famous wrestler (if not the most famous wrestler) but maybe she should find a job outside of the entertainment industry


Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

 

Twitter: @BMovieguy   #BMovieblog   #SandSharks

 

Bigfoot's Wild Weekend (If You Watch Only One Bigfoot Movie This Year...)

Score: 5 Out of 10

 

           If you have ever wished that beef jerky commercials had more nudity in them then I have the movie for you. It is that special kind of movie where my wife came in about thirty minutes in, said "This looks really stupid," and then left the room five minutes later. Bigfoot's Wild Weekend was directed by Jeff Murray who also co wrote the film with Dearborn Murray and Ryan Ramos (why did it take three people to write this film?). The plot is as good as you can expect from a film with this title. Bigfoot is on the loose (and apparently horny... and a little drunk) and is soon spotted by campers and a fisherman who report the "half man/half ape" to a tabloid paper who spends little time sending a less-than-confident reporter to cover the action. Soon after the local news and some redneck hunters are also chasing down are hairy protagonist. For the record, because I know why most of you read this blog, yes there is a fair amount of nudity throughout the first hour or so.

 

    So I'm not gonna try and bullshit you here, this movie was not really that good. It got a good couple of laughs out of me throughout, and it did hold my attention pretty well. On the other hand, there were more than a couple times when I caught actors or actresses looking at the camera (not counting a scene where one character breaks the fourth wall) and the sound quality changes quite a bit, sometimes once or twice in the same scene. But for a low budget comedy about a drunk and horny Bigfoot and some campers who seem a little too eager to take their clothes off, it could have been a lot worse. On a related note the director mentioned to me that he is working on another film this year and I will say that I am willing to watch another film Mr. Murray. I guess for five dollars, I got what I paid for.

 

Love,

    The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovieguy   #Bmovieblog   #Bigfootswildweekend
 

 

Decadent Evil (I'm Dissapointed This Wasn't About Cake)

Score: 3 Out Of 10

 

                After the ordeal that was the "Witchouse Trilogy," you think I would have learned my lesson about buying DVDs from gas stations. Apparently not. "Decadent Evil" caught my attention and despite knowing it was the same production company (Full Moon) as the aforementioned trilogy I thought, "Why not?" The reason Why should have been obvious. "Decadent Evil" was written and directed by Charles Brand. It stars Hazel Dean, Phil Fondacaro (my third favorite little person) and Raelyn Hennessee. The plot is about a vampire mistress trying to become the worlds most powerful vampire (there is a subplot about a little monster in a cage that has almost nothing to do with the rest of the film until the last ten minutes or so). One of the problems with this film is that judging by the trailers and box art, there is nothing to suggest that this is a sequel, but it is. In fact, the first ten minutes of this film are a recap of the first film, titled "Vampire Journals."

               Normally this wouldn't bother me because the first film isn't very well known and it is nice that they are trying to bring people up to speed. Here is the problem: THIS FILM HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH "VAMPIRE JOURNALS!!!" The only connection is that the evil vampire mistress trying to take over the world is supposed to have been in the first film. There is another problem. The evil vampire mistress in question is named "Morella" and there is no character of that name in the first film. So why have a recap? It is just a way to waste ten minutes at the beginning of the film. On top of that, most of the acting is pretty bad and the movie is pretty boring for a film with vampire strippers. I can not help but feel I just wasted my time. Ugh...

Love,
   The B-movie Guy
Facebook: B-Movie Guy   Twitter: @BMovieguy   #BMovieblog   #Decadentevil