Moon Of The Wolf (Made for TV goodness)

Score: 6 Out Of 10

       I know what you're thinking. It is a made-for-TV-movie, there is no way this one could be any good. There is no real violence, no profanity and no nudity. What could possibly be good about it? What makes this movie shine is a cast that turns in some pretty solid performances (even if the dialogue isn't quite there) and a story that forty plus years later still manages to draw you in. "Moon of the Wolf (1972)" was directed by Daniel Petrie and stars David Janssen (the guy from "The Fugitive..." No, the TV show), Barbara Rush and Bradford Dillman. I am a pretty big fan of werewolf movies and honestly finding good werewolf movies is kind of a challenge. Thankfully this movie did not let me down. What makes this movie good is actually what made horror movies from the nineteen thirties, forties and fifties good and that is above average acting, story and editing (although if you watch it on Netflix you'll see on screen cues that say "Place commercials  here").

There is one technique used in this film, however, that I both loved and hated. You do not see the actual werewolf until the last thirty minutes or so. The whole movie you are left anticipating the unveiling of the monster and in a way it really adds to the suspense of the film. The problem is that when you see the monster it is a let down. I get that it is a TV movie, but could they not get a little more budget to at least make the monster believable? This just looks like a hairy guy with long nails and a black smudge on his nose. If you are willing  to ignore a cheesy monster and some noticeable errors then this movie really is not that bad. I have seen some really terrible TV movies in my time and this one is actually pretty good by comparison. 

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

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Lady Frankenstein (La Figlia Di Frankenstein)

Score: 7 Out Of 10

          I am a huge fan of "Frankenstein (1931)," and because I love that movie so much I have found myself, over the years, drawn to movies with "Frankenstein" in the title. These movies are pretty much hit or miss. "Frankenstein Vs. The Space Monster (1965)" was a miss. Fortunately, "Lady Frankenstein (1971)" is much more of a hit. The film was directed by Mel Welles and Aureliano Luppi and it stars Joseph Cotten, Rosalba Neri and Paul Muller. The film tells the story of Doctor Frankenstein building and then being murdered by the creature. His daughter then decides to continue on with his work but her motives are much more dark (and sexy in a weird kind of way) than her father's were. The immediate turn off here for most viewers I think will be the over all quality of the film. Even when converted to high definition the picture is still pretty grainy and has plenty of imperfections (although there are quite a few people who dig that kind of look in a film) and even for it's time the film had a pretty low budget. The budgetary constraints show mostly in the special effects the department (the creature looks a little too much like the Toxic Avenger).

       What this film does have going for it, however, is the acting and writing. Granted it is not academy award winning and there are a couple of scenes that are almost laughable, but for the most part you get solid dialogue and some pretty good performances. Another thing I would like to touch on is that this film has been used as an example of pro-feminism with in the horror and science fiction genres quite a bit over the years. The film features a very strong and very intelligent (she is a surgeon after all) female main character who manipulates the male characters in the film to achieve her goals. This actually makes for a pretty interesting take on the Frankenstein mythology. Most of the other women in these films are hysterical and just down right dumb. If nothing else, this film will serve as a breathe of fresh air for Frankenstein fans.

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

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Night Of The Living Dead (45 Years Later...)

Score: 8 Out Of 10

           There is not a lot to be said about this film that has not already been said. I could ramble on all day about shoestring budgets, social commentary, nudity showing up in a film from the 60's and all the other talking points behind this movie. But in the forty five years since it's release, we have talked all those points to death (pun). Instead I am going to do what so many books, magazines, podcasts, blogs and documentaries fail to do when discussing this film; I am going to write an honest review. "Night Of The Living Dead (1968)" was directed by George A. Romero and it stars Duane Jones, Judith O'Dea and Karl Hardman. The plot revolves around a group of people who board themselves up in an old farm house in attempt to escape the living dead, but turmoil with in the group soon threatens their survival. I will begin by saying that this is a very good film. It is dark, it is atmospheric and at times it is very psychological. The cast and crew make very good use of the limited special effects and director, George A. Romero, really made good use of people from around the town he was filming in to play zombies rather than employing additional actors.

         Most people while watching a horror film at one point or another imagine themselves in the same position as the protagonists. While watching this  film, it is almost impossible to not think about what you would do if you were trapped in that farmhouse. That is the strong point of this film. All of the characters act just as you would expect people to act in real life. One character is strong and resourceful, one character is completely traumatized and another is too headstrong for his own good. The actors and actresses in this film do an incredible job of making the characters seem real. The film does have it's faults, though. The pacing could be better. There are a couple of moments where everything just seems to drag and there are a couple of scenes that really left me rolling my eyes when I first saw this movie. Despite the negative points, this seminal zombie flick really does deliver and I must admit, every time it is on, I have to stop and watch it (I also have three different DVD copies in my collection).

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy

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Amazons And Gladiators (100% Crap-Fest)

Score: 2 Out Of 10.

 

          Let me begin by stating that I am very impressed that the ancient Romans were able to invent (and apparently perfect) breast augmentation surgery. That the statement should let you know just how historically accurate this movie was (in case you're still wondering, it wasn't). "Amazons and Gladiators (2001)" was directed by Zachary Weintraub (the genius who also brought us "Diva Detectives (2003)") and stars Patrick Bergin, Jennifer Rubin and Richard Norton. The plot follows the plight of a dancing slave girls who, with a little help, escapes her captors, becomes an amazon and returns to fight her former captors in arena style combat. The arena style combat, by the way, takes place in the Roman Colosseum (Amphitheatrum Flavium)... about fifty years or so before it was actually constructed. It also manages to depict the death of Crassius, who in reality was named Crassus and was actually killed by the Parthians, not amazons. But historical inaccuracies should not stand in the way of a good movie, right? Well that would be the case if this was a good movie.

 

 

       Unfortunately this movie fails on almost every single level. The acting is just straight up terrible and the fight seems only make the poor acting even more noticeable. The dialogue is just atrocious. People just do not talk like that, not in ancient Rome and certainly not now. It is almost enough to make me believe that the writer of this film (who was also the director) has never actually interacted with another human being and therefore has no idea how people talk to each other. Another complaint I have is the wardrobes. I feel like I could have come up with the same costumes just by spending about a hundred dollars at the nearest costume store. I have given decent scores to other films that had just as many problems because the people who mad those films appeared to really be trying to make a good movie and that is what bothers me most about this movies. It really seems as if the people involved in making it were not even trying and that is really what hurts the most.

 

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.
 

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Flash Gordon: Space Soldiers (Older Than Old School)

Score: 7 Out Of 10

         It is no secret that "Flash Gordon (1980)" is one of my favorite movies (I even have Queen's "Battle Theme" as my ring tone) so when I got a chance to sit down and watch the 1936 "Space Soldiers" serial I was pretty excited. "Flash Gordon: Space Soldiers" was directed by Fredrick Stephani and Ray Taylor. It stars Buster Crabbe, Jean Rogers and Charles Middleton. The plot plays out over thirteen episodes and the gist of it is that a planet is about to crash into the Earth and our hero (Flash, as if I should have to tell you) is shot off into space with Dr. Zarkoff and his lady friend to save us all from impending doom (That really is the simplest explanation I can give). Right off the bat the audience is treated to action (and stock footage) that runs nonstop through out the entire thirteen episodes. Literally until the last few minutes of the final episode. Watching them, I honestly felt as if I was six years old again watching old science fiction shows on a Sunday morning (if only there was a Super Nintendo to turn on after I was finished watching).

        The problem with content like this is that it is very difficult to review. I (like many other fans) feel very nostalgic over things like this, so you have to take my "7 Out Of 10" score with a grain of salt. There is a lot to dislike here for most of the younger science fiction fans. The special effects are terrible (even for their time), the acting is hit or miss, the dialogue and writing are often laughable and the whole thing as a whole seems very silly. On the other hand, It is just so damn cool! I mean, all of it! There is rocket ships shooting at each other and Flash gets into fist fights with men, monsters and mutants alike at an almost constant pace. To add to the mix there is also giant monsters, cool costumes and all kinds of outrageous (and fun) characters. To sum it up, a lot of these old movie serials are lost on audiences today. They are held in the same regard, if not a lower regard, than "Sy Fy Channel Originals." But I promise, If you just throw on a couple of episodes and pop some popcorn and really let yourself get lost in Flash's world, than there really is a strong chance that you too will find a lot to love about these old science fiction movie serials.

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

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P.S.
To prove my point, instead of a trailer, I'm giving you the first two episodes in their entirety. Why? Because I love you.

Dinosaur Island (A New Low... Even For Me)

Score: 1 Out Of  10

       Well, I have finally found something worse than all those god awful Sy-Fy Channel originals. This movie is so bad I considered not even blogging about it because I did not want to admit to people that I actually watched it. "Dinosaur Island (1994) was directed by Fred Olen Ray and Jim Wynorski (Really? Two directors and it was still this bad?!). It stars Ross Hagen, Richard Gabai and Antonia Dorian. The film tells the story of five commandos who wash up on an uncharted island and are forced to deal with busty tribal women, busty cave women and not so busty dinosaurs. There is absolutely nothing to like about this movie. Every aspect of this movie is just down right bad. The overall film leaves me wondering if maybe one director wanted to make an action film about dinosaurs and the other wanted to make a late night cable porn movie. In fairness, late night cable porn movies are more enjoyable than this stinker. I only thing I actually enjoy about this movie is the Frank Frazetta style art work that graces the DVDs cover (seriously, that is a really cool painting).

     What annoyed me the most about this movie is the main character. He spends the majority of the movie making one liners that are no where near funny and they come at a constant pace. It feels like this guy was making me role my eyes every thirty seconds or so. Also, it really bothers me that all these women who are completely isolated from society can speak perfect English, are reading a porn mag (because why would an uncharted island full of dinosaurs not have porn?), yet they do not know what a kiss is. But honestly, when it comes to stupidity, in this movie, that is just the tip of the iceberg. The only enjoyment any one is going to get out of this movie is teen aged boys fast forwarding to the nude scenes.

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

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Hellgate (A Little Too Familiar)

Score: 4 Out Of 10

   Remember that old ghost story about the guy driving by the grave yard and he picks up a strange girl who does not say much and he drives her home only to return the next day looking for her and an old woman tells him that was her daughter and she died years ago (I think I remember seing an epsiode of "Unsolved Mysteries" that did a segment about it)? Now imagine if someone decided to give that story a ninety minute backstory. "Hellgate (1990)" was directed by William A. Levey. It stars Ron Palillo (from "Welcome Back, Kotter," ask your parents), Abigail Wolcott and Carol Trichardt. The film tells the story of a girl killed by a motorcycle gang and her father who finds this crystal that bring things back from the dead. He (obviously) uses the crystal to bring the girl back to life and she, in turn,seduces travelers and brings them to their small town so her father can murder them. To be perfectly honest this film does have its high points. The overall look is really cool and for the vast majority of the movie it is genuinely creepy.

   Unfortunately, every other aspect of this movie is garbage. The actors and actresses are just just terrible and the dialogue is unbelievably bad (seriously, who talks like that?). The movie was shot in 1989 but the special effects are straight out of the 1970's. The scenes that are supposed to take place in 1955 (most of the film is set in its current time) do not look like the 1950's at all. The only indication I got that it was the 50's was the soundtrack changed. Overall this was just a boring and forgettable movie. I almost completely lost interest half way through. In retrospect, I should have just watched "Unsolved Mysteries."

Love,

   The B-Movie Guy.

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